How to Write Heartfelt Wedding Vows
Writing vows… you know, just casually putting how much you love someone into words and coherent sentences as you enter the next chapter of your life. No pressure, right? And I totally freaking get the stress, especially as someone who is not so great at words herself; you want your vows to sum up your relationship so far, encapsulating why you love them and how stoked you are to continue the adventure as a married couple. But how the heck do you even begin?
Don’t sweat it. I’ve got you (which is my personal motto). Take a deep breath, because you’re in the right place. I have three tips and five writing prompts to help you absolutely rock crafting your vows so your partner feel so loved on your special day.
3 Tips for Writing Your Vows
1. Don’t postpone the writing.
- It’s easy to procrastinate tasks when you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried that you’ll fail, or are concerned that the end result will be sub-par. So, start off by removing any sort of preconceived notion about what your vows “have to be” with respect to length, contents, or any other logistical factor.
- Don’t procrastinate writing your vows, because trying to write them quickly under pressure will make it way more challenging for you to be thoughtful and intentional about your words.
- Remember that these are your heartfelt words to your partner, and speaking from the heart is all that matters, whether your vows are three sentences or three paragraphs.
2. Ditch the distractions.
- Stop your scrolling through social media and telling yourself you’re just going to watch one more episode on Netflix.
- Find a quiet, distraction-free space that allows you to focus.
- You’d be surprised what you can accomplish in a short period of time when you force yourself to focus on the task at hand in manageable chunks of time. Set a timer for 10 minutes (or even 5 minutes to start) to brainstorm without distractions, and jot down anything that comes to mind about your relationship, especially based on the prompts below.
3. Don’t try to make it make sense (at first).
- You don’t need to write your vows perfectly your first try, and you definitely don’t need to be thinking of their final format in the beginning.
- Start by brain-dumping anything and everything about your relationship without a filter, even if you don’t think you’ll include the information. It is all valuable at this step.
- I recommend opening a new note in the Notes app on your phone titled “our relationship,” and jot down every thought that comes to mind there. Return to this note regularly; even when you’re not having a distraction-free brainstorm session, you can add little tidbits about your relationship as you think of them, including why you love them, memories, etc.
6 Prompts for Writing Your Vows
Even if you follow all of the above advice by avoiding procrastination, ditching distractions, and releasing the pressure of having it perfect on the first draft, it can still can feel challenging to determine what to say or where to begin. Below are six prompts that will help you get well on your way to writing your vows.
What are some of your favorite memories that you’ve shared with your partner? Sprinkling some inside jokes, funny adventure mishaps, and quirky phrases that you two always say to one another into your vows is a sure way to initiate laughter.
How did you meet? What was your first impression of them? This question is a great opportunity to reflect on the beginning of your relationship, what you thought of each other then, and how your love has grown since.
What promises would you like to make to them as you enter your marriage? Marriage is vowing to be there for someone through the highs, lows, and everyday life. Therefore, vowing to be there for your partner through all of life’s curveballs is one of the most special promises you can make.
At which moment did you realize you wanted to spend forever with them? Your partner might not even know this nugget of information, but it’s always special to think of that special moment that really solidified that you didn’t want to ever spend life without them.
What are your favorite qualities that they possess, and what do you love most about them? Of course, you love so many things about your partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, but what better opportunity than your wedding vows to remind them of the qualities they possess that you cherish. This can be extra special, because sometimes your favorite things about your partner are qualities they don’t even realize they possess.
What are your hopes for your future together? Think of the adventures that you’re looking forward to having together, and how excited you are to grow with one another. These adventures can include anything as simple as walking to the dog park together when you finally get a puppy, to how you can’t wait to become a parent with them.
Example Vow Structure
Now that you have answered the prompts above, it’s time to put your answers together into vows. Below is a format that you can follow:
- Part 1: Discuss the story of how you met from your perspective.
- Part 2: Talk about the moments between your first meeting and where you are today.
- Part 3: Share the things that you’ve come to love most about your partner since you first met and what you cherish most about how they love and care for you.
- Part 4: Mention a definitive time in your relationship where you realized how deep your love for them truly was and when you knew you wanted to marry them.
- Part 5: Share what you’re looking forward to most about the future.
- Part 6: Conclude with your promises to them about what you would like your marriage to look like.
Now, Get to Writing!
As you’re writing your vows, remember to relieve yourself of the pressure of crafting a literary masterpiece. Yes, of course, your vows are an amazing and meaningful part of your special day, but the most important part is to write and share them from the heart. And as you’re continuing to plan your wedding day, don’t forget to head over to the blog for more tips and trips!